Somedays are red. Yesterday was brown.

       Last night was awesome, the bands were cool and watching him play is one of the most amazing things ever, but I wanted to cry the entire night. I know he can tell I'm upset too, there's no hiding anything from him, he's always know everything by just looking at me. I feel so vulnerable under his stare like he's looking into my soul, I'm afraid one day he'll stop liking what he sees...

Prince Charming,
       Things have been different ever since Valentines day, even though Valentines was amazing. When you walked me home that night and stopped me on the dirt path, the way you held my face in your hands and stared into my eyes made me shake, and as you kissed my face all over and told me how much you loved me, I almost cried with how beautiful you are. Your love is the only thing that keeps me alive I feed off of it, rely on your long kisses and tight hugs to get me through the day and help me sleep at night. I've always been amazed your way with words how you could make me stop hating myself  with just a single smile, but now things are different and I'm afraid that this is how they'll stay. I know things have been tough lately and with hard times everyone is bound to be more introverted but I need you, you're the only one I have to talk to about the way I feel, about me fears, about everything really.
       That stupid four day weekend was the turning point I think. I always fall apart when I can't talk to you for long periods of time and I know four days isn't much but after all the shit from the week I guess I just couldn't handle it. I know I said I wasn't worried about getting pregnant but the truth is I was terrified, I was nauseous and  I thought that it would surely be the end of us. And I was terrified of what I knew I would have to do if I was. That weekend I looked it up, I read about how they do it and what happens after. Every sentence made me crumple up inside and cry. And when I saw the pictures of the little babies, all broken and layed out one the table I just wanted to die, I threw up and I couldn't stop shaking for hours I just layed in bed in the middle of the day and cried imagining the worst. I didn't even know if I was pregnant yet but I couldn't stop thinking, what if I was? The truth is I've never believed in abortion for myself because I believe that every baby is a miracle no matter how it's conceived, that no baby is an accident but I would have done it for you. I knew to you it would always be a mistake and I couldn't be the one to ruin your life that way. So I just lay and prayed that I wasn't pregnant and if I was I prayed for the strength to be able to go through with what I had to.
       I didn't try and contact you that day because I wanted to give you space that weekend but I couldn't help myself. I sent you a message that Monday, everyone was away again and I felt sick and scared and lonely all I said was I love and miss you. You just wrote the same thing back, I don't know why but it made me feel like crap. And when we did talk for a little it seemed so matter of fact, you used to call me so many pet names and now you never do. I used to hate when people did that but whenever you did it made me so happy like I belonged to someone but not just anyone I belonged to you the most amazing person in the world, like I mattered.
       I started my period on Friday night, I was so happy because I finally had some good news to give you I thought things would go back to normal. But when I saw you last night I still didn't feel any better I felt so out of place and like it didn't make a difference that I was even at the show, I just wanted to hear you say I love you. On the 23 I had told myself that I wouldn't say I love you to you anymore, I would wait until you said it first because the only time you ever say it anymore is when I say it to you. I know it hasn't been more than four days but you still haven't said it and it crushes me inside I'm dying to say it because I need to hear it come out of your lips but I'm afraid that you wont say it back I'm so afraid you're going to realize that you were wrong, there are plenty of fish in the sea and you would rather have one of them than me. Gahhh and when I saw you talk to your ex girlfriend I felt jealous for the first time in my life, knowing that she's the first and only other person to have ever had you and knowing that you loved her, that you spent so long telling her you loved her. I know I only feel that way because of how horrible I feel in general and that I shouldn't but I couldn't help it and I hate myself for it. Tell my Mr. Charming how do I calm my nerves I've always been neurotic and such.
       I want things to go back to the way they were just a few weeks ago. I want your long breathtaking kisses and I want you to hug be with every ounce of strength in your body, I want to hear you say I love you and call me your baby. I want to feel like I'm not some disgusting dirty person. I want my arm to heal, I want to fall asleep in peace. I want you to love me as much as I love you. I want forever, I want to know that I'm the only girl like you're the only boy and when we're apart next semester we'll be planning for a future where we're together. Please Price Charming because I just don't think I can do this like this anymore.
                                                                                                      Forever Yours,
                                                                                                           Princess Buttercup

"I really wish it was only me and you
I'm jealous of everybody in the room
Please don't look at me with those eyes
Please don't hint that you're capable of lies"