I do what I can. I can't what I can't.

       I've broken the secrecy of my own damn blog >.< Some times I just don't know what goes on in my damn head, gahhhh -_- I swear. I let Prince Charming see... Why do I do these things to myself? But really I just thought that showing him couldn't possibly make matters any worse, I mean I've been sinking into oblivion just waiting around for the end. What can be worse than that? Breaking up of course... Fuck me. I need a drink.

                                                                        meg and dia

"Every night I pray for you,

 I don't got no religion
isn't that something?
I...I...I'm not going half way!
Every night I pray for you.
I don't believe in heaven."

Prince Charming,

       I never intended for you to read anything on this horrible pathetic pity party blog, and hopefully you deleted our conversation from your phone and will never feel the urge to read it again. I also hope you only read that single entry, because I would rather you not find out just how crazy I am. I felt bad that you thought it was just a page talking about what a bad person you are because I didn't mean it that way at all. Although I don't feel bad about anything I wrote, it's nothing that isn't true and I mean come on... Why shouldn't I feel this way? I stand by everything I write, the thoughts, the feelings, even the confusion and outrage. It feels good to get mad every once in a while. I write to avoid punching walls.
       What I came to understand from our talk last night. You are still trying to figure out what's best for us. Of course it's probably hopeless to tell you that no one knows what's best. But I'm not sure I really understood you all that well. It seemed to me that you had wanted to break up with me but you couldn't bring yourself to do it because you "love me" too much. I don't say that in a sarcastic way just in a confused way.  I mean idk I get that you are acting this way so that whatever happens happens but with you acting this way what chance do we even have at making it? I love you more than words will ever be able to express but how much slow pain can I take before I go crazy for a moment and give in to the ultimate pain. Leaving you forever? If you love me, then love me. It's that simple, and that complicated. But today, gave me a strange kind of hope. The way you kissed me after lunch, makes me feel like everything is going to be ok. I think I'll call you tonight and we may not be able to fix things right away but we can work on it. I love you so much Prince Charming. Thank you for making these dark days just a tiny bit brighter <3

                                                                                                                 Forever Yours,
                                                                                                                       Princess buttercup