I'm a horrible neglectful human please forgive me for not writing.... Forgives self.... there all better : D
Dear Prince Charming,
You know what? Love is selfish. When you say you’re trying to figure out "what’s best" (whatever that means) and I say I want you to do whatever makes you happy. But every night I pray that you won’t leave me. Because I love you, because I want you being with me to be what’s best, that’s what my heart tells me after all. And you, you say if we break up you want me to still be your friend even though I’ve told you it would be too hard for me. So maybe you do really love me. Forever and always and all that bullshit. But it's selfish...
If we break up... And of course by that I mean if you break up with me, because I can't break up with you (see selfish! I think I'm bad for you and I can't dump you because I love you). I won't be happy, in fact it's the only thing that can make me more miserable than I am now and you won't be happy because I won't be your friend anymore. At lest that's what you say. So we'll both, in theory, be unhappy... but right now you don't kiss me the way boyfriends kiss girlfriends, you don't hug me or touch me the way they do. You don't talk to me the way you used too, tell me you want me. God it's stupid! How am I supposed to be fun and feel good about myself when my own boyfriend doesn't tell me I'm pretty. When I feel like you doesn't even want to fucking kiss me.
I'm not sad anymore at the moment. I'm upset! Once again I mentioned prom and you said nothing... again. I didn't even want to go to stupid prom, but you got me all excited. I picked out the most perfect dress too, the dress of my dreams and last weekend was the last chance to buy it... but we weren't talking... so I didn't order it. And you know what? I said I wouldn't go to prom if I didn't get to go with you but fuck it. You obviously don't want to go with me so I'm going to find a prom date. Even if you still haven't dumped me by then I don't care. I'm going just to show you that I can. I'm sure that someone will want to go to prom with me... :/ ok probably not... but I'll dig up some old friends and I'll have them set me up. I just want to dance, I want someone who wants to dance with me and tell me I look beautiful and idk.... I want to feel wanted... by you. So no I won't go I'll sit at home and get fat...
I should stop being selfish and just agree to be your friend, I wonder... If I agreed to be your friend if you broke up with me would you break up with me? I wish that isn't true. I'm afraid to ask... But I won't be your friend I don't want to be around to put makeup on your hickeys from your next girlfriend so that your mom wont see. Do you remember that? I hated having to help you on the bus that day. I couldn't stop staring. It's like there she was in printed on your skin. Never again will I watch you be with another girl I fucking wont!
And another thing! I ask you if you want to take a break, crying and pleading for an answer, so that you have time to figure yourself out even though I don't want a break and you finally after I spend a couple days in agony you say you don't want a break. I become overjoyed and high because you kiss me. Then last Thursday we spend until one in the morning on the phone, crying! I pour my heart out to you and you suggest we take a break and you sound so determined! I agree, because I'll do anything to make you happy and to fix this but when I start asking questions like how long and if you want to see other people you freak out! You practically yell at me... that we're not taking a break, it's stupid it's not for us... and that we'll be like every other day on Friday but we just won't talk on the weekend... So I agree to that too, thankful that we aren't taking a break because I sure as hell don't want to be away from you or see other fucking people. Thinking well he doesn't want a break, that means he wants to be with me... and on Friday someone says PDA and you practically attack my face. You haven't kissed me like that in forever! I was on cloud fucking nine. The rest of that day was just a fuzzy little nothing I was so fricking happy. I didn't even care that I wasn't gonna get to talk to you because you kissed me! And now here's Monday... and everything is back to stupid nothing. Thanks.
Forever yours,
Princess Buttercup
If we break up... And of course by that I mean if you break up with me, because I can't break up with you (see selfish! I think I'm bad for you and I can't dump you because I love you). I won't be happy, in fact it's the only thing that can make me more miserable than I am now and you won't be happy because I won't be your friend anymore. At lest that's what you say. So we'll both, in theory, be unhappy... but right now you don't kiss me the way boyfriends kiss girlfriends, you don't hug me or touch me the way they do. You don't talk to me the way you used too, tell me you want me. God it's stupid! How am I supposed to be fun and feel good about myself when my own boyfriend doesn't tell me I'm pretty. When I feel like you doesn't even want to fucking kiss me.
I'm not sad anymore at the moment. I'm upset! Once again I mentioned prom and you said nothing... again. I didn't even want to go to stupid prom, but you got me all excited. I picked out the most perfect dress too, the dress of my dreams and last weekend was the last chance to buy it... but we weren't talking... so I didn't order it. And you know what? I said I wouldn't go to prom if I didn't get to go with you but fuck it. You obviously don't want to go with me so I'm going to find a prom date. Even if you still haven't dumped me by then I don't care. I'm going just to show you that I can. I'm sure that someone will want to go to prom with me... :/ ok probably not... but I'll dig up some old friends and I'll have them set me up. I just want to dance, I want someone who wants to dance with me and tell me I look beautiful and idk.... I want to feel wanted... by you. So no I won't go I'll sit at home and get fat...
I should stop being selfish and just agree to be your friend, I wonder... If I agreed to be your friend if you broke up with me would you break up with me? I wish that isn't true. I'm afraid to ask... But I won't be your friend I don't want to be around to put makeup on your hickeys from your next girlfriend so that your mom wont see. Do you remember that? I hated having to help you on the bus that day. I couldn't stop staring. It's like there she was in printed on your skin. Never again will I watch you be with another girl I fucking wont!
And another thing! I ask you if you want to take a break, crying and pleading for an answer, so that you have time to figure yourself out even though I don't want a break and you finally after I spend a couple days in agony you say you don't want a break. I become overjoyed and high because you kiss me. Then last Thursday we spend until one in the morning on the phone, crying! I pour my heart out to you and you suggest we take a break and you sound so determined! I agree, because I'll do anything to make you happy and to fix this but when I start asking questions like how long and if you want to see other people you freak out! You practically yell at me... that we're not taking a break, it's stupid it's not for us... and that we'll be like every other day on Friday but we just won't talk on the weekend... So I agree to that too, thankful that we aren't taking a break because I sure as hell don't want to be away from you or see other fucking people. Thinking well he doesn't want a break, that means he wants to be with me... and on Friday someone says PDA and you practically attack my face. You haven't kissed me like that in forever! I was on cloud fucking nine. The rest of that day was just a fuzzy little nothing I was so fricking happy. I didn't even care that I wasn't gonna get to talk to you because you kissed me! And now here's Monday... and everything is back to stupid nothing. Thanks.
Forever yours,
Princess Buttercup
0 comments:
Post a Comment