tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46852960295115696122011-05-03T04:12:27.320-07:00Letters To Prince CharmingAll the things I don't know how to sayButtercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.comBlogger161100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-17419787747295122162011-04-15T17:30:00.000-07:002011-04-23T15:00:37.596-07:00Fuck shit that should work but doesn't!!!!!!!!!!!!&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Why is this happening?<br /><br />Prince Charming,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Everything is wrong. I wish I didn't have to want you gone, but it's the only way you'll never find out about the baby. You say you'll be gone in 3 months. Well good for you, out of this town like I will be, you'll never have to see me again and no one that knows you or me right now will be a part of my life so I'll be safe to raise&nbsp;him... or her.&nbsp;I want him to grow up with a mom that can give him all&nbsp;the love of two parents so that he doesn't miss you, so that he'll never have to wonder about you the way I know I will. You deserve the very best in life, and as my best friend I want you to have all the chances in the world. A baby at 18 isn't what I wanted for myself and for you it would be a disaster so this is my gift to you, the chance at the perfect life you deserve. Life changes in an instant and this is how it's happening now... The baby is the only thing that's keeping me alive right now and I will live for him or her. I've decided that if it's a boy I'm going to name him after you, I know it's going to hurt but you always did say your first son would be named after you like you were named after your dad so I'll do that. If it's a girl though I'm going to name her Milagros, it means miracles in Spanish. Either way of course the baby will have my last name, but I was thinking of changing it, starting totally new... I'm not really sure what I'd want though. I have to get your letter back from Shanice because when our child asks what kind of person their daddy was I can give them the letters/lyrics and show the kind of person you were, the sweet amazing man that you were... And how much you thought you loved me. Our child will know you through your words, you were always so good with them, you made me believe every word out of your mouth afterall...<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I look at myself every morning and I look at my stomach and wonder why. I mean fuck. The tiny amount that must have escaped that condom... and the pill? I think I know why the pill didn't work though. I threw up remember? After the first one at school, I had thought it had been more than two hours though but it may not have been, and then I threw up again when I got home from the movie at Brandons&nbsp;that night. Fuck my stomach. Fuck everything! Do you have any idea how fucking pissed I am that this happened? That my entire life is fucking over because of some stupid night at the park! I didn't even want to fucking have sex that night, I thought it was disgusting to do it at the park like that, but I knew you really wanted to and I wanted to make you happy. And then when I told you I started my period. Fuck I mean I really thought I had! How was I supposed to know it was just&nbsp;going to be that one little bit and that it's normal during the fist months of pregnancy?!&nbsp;I'm so fucking stupid! FUCK EVERYTHING!<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; But I can't let myself think that way. Everything happens for a reason right? I can still do and be all the things I wanted to be before this, no matter what our baby will be proud of me for the things I will do. I am worried though, so much about his safety... I should see a doctor, take special vitamins and stuff, but I can't do any of that. I don't have money, I'm thinking about asking Bubbles for help but I haven't spoken to her and I know how mad she'll be that I've allowed this to happen to myself. She'll want me to tell you and then she'll want me to get rid of the baby. I can't do that. The&nbsp;A word has never really been an option for me, I mean I had really thought I could go through with it if need be but now I see that I could never. On top of that I still don't sleep, and the stress... I've been reading a lot about baby's and it's so bad for him. I'm eating a lot more now but I just throw up more... the morning sickness is horrible. And my cravings are weird. I just want a shit ton of weird crap. I even started craving dirt! I smell it and I just have to put a little in my mouth, that and wax from my candles. It's fucking sick.&nbsp;I'm losing weight and gaining it and god knows what's happening inside of me. &nbsp;And now I keep having these pains in my lower stomach, that hurt like hell. I want to see a doctor so bad. But I'm just going to have to wait. I'm scared, I don't want to do this alone anymore but I don't know what else to do. I&nbsp;can't tell you now, it's too late for that. It's too late for anything. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Except calling Bubbles, I think I will send her an e-mail, she knows people. I need to take care of myself, I need to protect our baby, well my baby. I love you Prince Charming. I wish this had never happened, any of it. Then six or so&nbsp;years from now I bet we would be sitting in a doctors office together going through this, happy. But whtever right?&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Forever yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; me<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-1741978774729512216?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-60103589206019457132011-04-13T11:49:00.000-07:002011-04-13T11:49:57.365-07:00Shit all over...&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Nothing makes sense anymore...<br /><br />Prince Charming,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Why are you being a jerk to him? Yea so what if he likes me? I don't like him that way we're just friends, I'm tired of sitting all alone at break and walking alone at lunch, crying. Would you rather me be miserable all of the time? I am miserable but at least when I have someone to be nice and talk to me I can keep it in and have a little fun. It shouldn't matter that he likes me. You know that if you wanted to be with me you could be, you don't want to so you aren't.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-6010358920601945713?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-34039308832616495872011-04-07T09:00:00.000-07:002011-04-07T09:28:52.018-07:00I want so bad to hate youPrince Charming,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I want so bad to hate you, I want to see your name ringing on Kayts phone and not give a crap but I can't, I love you even if you don't love me...<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The only thing that has kept me going is my little miracle and I'm failing him too. I can't hold anything down, I've lost not gained weight and I know how bad that is. On top of that I can't sleep and I cry all the time, I'm so afraid of hurting it. Also I smoked a cigarette two&nbsp;days ago... It was three puffs really, because I felt to shitty and just idk... I wanted to kill myself after, I felt like a bug, so stupid and useless but I wont do it ever again, I'll never do anything to hurt him again. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I don't know why I'm so convinced that it's a him, I just am it's like I can feel it. I&nbsp;can't say that I'm happy that he's going to be born, actually I'm so much less than happy but I have to push that aside because he really is a miracle and he's all mine. I've been thinking of what I will say to him the day he is old enough to ask about his dad and I really don't know what I'll say. I don't ever want him to think that he was a mistake and if I tell him who you are and he finds you, he'll realize that he was his dads mistake :/&nbsp; <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I may not be able to hate you but I sure as hell can hate myself. If he's a mistake then that means that I was a mistake too. I hate it! Every time I think of the first time we made love I cry so hard, my entire body hurts, I can't breath or think I just want to die I hate feeling like it ment nothing to you. Like we were nothing because to you that's what we will be in the future, nothing...<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; And you did exactly what I was afraid you would do. You talked to me for one long and wonderful night and then stopped. That was the only night I haven't cried since you abandoned me and now the pain is so much worse. I'm stupid stupid stupid STUPID for believing in you. I should have never promiced you forever, I didn't want to, but when you looked me in the eyes I had to say yes. Because I knew that I could do it, that I wanted forever in your arms because you were the only person who has always made me feel safe, the only person who never lost faith in me who I wanted to protect from myself... I hate myself for not being good enough for you, but then again I always knew I wasn't.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Forever Yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Princess Buttercup<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-3403930883261649587?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-9230030370612450012011-03-29T00:51:00.000-07:002011-04-07T09:18:25.426-07:00As time flows...&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It's been a while, so much has happened. I currently continue to vomit everything that I swallow, sleep less than four hours a night on a good day and continue to resist the drugs. I sent&nbsp;him a note asking to be friends, he didn't respond. I found out he's going to prom with his ex. I moved out, he should have been&nbsp;there to help me pack but instead his best friend was there to help me. Of course he ended up not being able to help with anything, so instead we just hung out, wandered the neighborhood. Randomly&nbsp;Prince Charming&nbsp;sent me a txt on my e-mail and we've been talking ever since. And today his best friend asked me to prom...<br /><br />Dear Prince Charming,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I feel so lost and sick, but I've been trying my hardest to not give up on myself every day. The best thing though is that you're speaking to me! You're really speaking &nbsp;to me! On my e-mail, nothing as good as a phone call but still! It's the closest thing to happy I have felt but I can't really be happy. You could stop talking to me just as fast as you started, so I'll stay guarded. Oh I'm in such a pleasant mood that you are speaking to me that I've forgotten to say that I can't stand you. You're a&nbsp;poser and a loser, I hope you have a wonderful time at prom with her and I never want to see your stupid face again. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; There. That was my moment of anger and sadness and bitter tears, I'll stop now. I'm going to prom with your best friend. I wonder if I should tell you?&nbsp;Shanice says yes.&nbsp;I don't think I should have too. I mean it's not like you told or considered my feelings when you asked her to prom... and we're just going as friends at least in my eyes, and you broke up with me, and I can do whatever&nbsp; I want. He's been really nice to me lately and I'm sure that asking me to prom is just another way of trying to cheer me up.&nbsp;I love you Prince Charming... but you've hurt me so much. I don't want to care about your feelings.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'm not sure how I'm feeling at this point in time though. Yesterday was strange for me, hanging out with Steven at the mall, there was something unsettling about it. I was surprised that morning when Kayt came into my room saying that he had txted asking if he could talk to me. I mean me and Steven are only&nbsp;friends because of you, and we've never been close, he did offer to help me move on Friday and&nbsp;since we broke up he's&nbsp;been very nice and tries to hug me when I cry, but that's about the extent of our friendship.&nbsp;So&nbsp;the fact that he took the time to txt Kayt&nbsp;so he could talk to me seemed odd. Right off he let me&nbsp;know him and his girlfriend broke up and then offered to spend the day with me at the mall I wasn't about to say no to company so we agreed to meet up. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Kayt and Shanice say he likes me... I think so too :/ Just the way he acted yesterday. I don't know what to do Prince Charming, I don't like him in a romantic way at all. I love you, even if it doesn't matter to you anymore, and I'm so worried about the little miricle I don't have time to worry about a silly little boys feelings. What ever happened to bro code????<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;Forever yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;Princess Buttercup&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-923003037061245001?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-50514380499634201172011-03-19T12:25:00.000-07:002011-03-19T12:50:26.416-07:00I am&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Positive. Smiley face. Pregnant. Three tests. One jug of ice tea. My life is over, and just beginning all at once. How did this happen? I trusted the condom, I trusted the pills. It's a miracle that this happened. a horrible horrible miracle. And I can't tell anyone...<br /><br />Prince Charming,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Thank your god every day that you will never have to deal with it. Thank him that you got out before you had to man up. Our mistake is a miracle too. I can't stop crying. I hate this. I hate everything inside of me I want to die. But for now I will try to eat and sleep. For it's sake. I love you Prince Charming. I'm sorry.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Forever Yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Princess Buttercup<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-5051438049963420117?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-73645163683360332142011-03-19T07:09:00.000-07:002011-03-19T07:09:02.797-07:00I can't...&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I can't do it I can't take the test. I want to but I can't. I'm scared. I'm alone. I haven't slept in four days and thank god for spell check. I can barely think or see. I'm so dizzy.<br /><br />Prince Charming, <br />I need to hear your voice I need to hear that everything is going to be ok. I want one of your hugs, a best friend hug. I kknow I said I never want to talk to you again. But you promiced forever and always you'd always be there. that makes you a lier. Ima&nbsp; cowerd im stupid and prideful and sick and i have nothing in my stomage but i want to throw up anyway. i hate everything and kayt keeps teklling me to smoke pot with her to help me sleep and get my mind off of you and i know itll work but i wont! i wont! i wont! i wont drink i wont do any of it! i will make you proud of me and maybe one day you'l see me and realize that i am the girl you could spend your forever and always with. but for now im nothing. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; forever yours<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; princess buttercup<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-7364516368336033214?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-88789332495426403612011-03-18T21:09:00.000-07:002011-03-18T21:11:49.732-07:00Three days...&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I haven't slept three days straight. And I've thrown up the three things Ive tried to eat. My stomage is empty, and yet I havent really lost any weight. I'm so dizzy it's hard to concentrate on anything today from the lack of sleep. I usually sleep for at least two or three hours a night when I'm at my worst. But with no sleep at all. I feel as if I'm dying and really... I wouldn't mind. Shanice is going to get me sleeping pills though so maybe then I can finally get some rest. But most importantly.... I'm going to take the test tomorow morning or maybe tonight if I don't sleep. I'm going to know once and for all if I am or am not. The sleep is bad though. I thought I talked to Shnice on IM yesterday night and when I asked her about it she said we didn't talk that she hasn't even been on her IM... I think I'm going crazy. I wish it was a dream of some sort but it wasn't It was only eight at night and I hadn't even tried to sleep. I know the difference between what's real and what's not!<br /><br />Dear Prince Charming, <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; You look so happy whenever I see you. Always smiling and laughing. I'm happy you're happy. I wish I didn't have to see you though it makes things so much harder. I love you. I hope everything in your life turns out perfectly.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Forever Yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Princess Buttercup<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-8878933249542640361?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-1827338342738192932011-03-17T06:36:00.000-07:002011-03-17T06:36:12.535-07:00Am I? Or am I not?&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Confession time... I told everyone I had my period last month, and in truth I did believe I started it. The night before the show I bled a dime sized amount. I told Prince Charming to calm his nerves, but I didn't bleed again after that. I need to find out if I'm pregnant...<br /><br />Dear Prince Charming,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'm scared. I don't want to be pregnant. It would be that final destroying blow. But I guess I've been waiting for you to leave me so that I could find out if I was. I didn't want to know and tell you so that we could set up an abortion and then have you break up with me. At least this way you never have to know about it. I cant have an abortion by myself, I'd kill myself... it that's not the road I'm heading in already. So if I am I have no idea what I'll do. I'm so very scared. I don't want to have this, I don't want to be one of those girls who has a baby at 18 and has no one. I don't want to have a baby at 18 period! But if I am then I'll do my best to protect my little miracle all by myself. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I miss you Prince Charming. I returned almost everything yesterday and I want it all back. I hope you don't throw away all the things I've given you over our time together. You could&nbsp;give them back to me. I'd be out of your life forever. I still have things of yours though. The skelly animal I hug at night and the notes. I love those notes. And the song... the pictures all in digital form... I love you. I miss you. I hate myself.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Forever Yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Princess Buttercup<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-182733834273819293?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-74677182346844019692011-03-16T17:13:00.000-07:002011-03-16T17:15:21.487-07:00"A friend is there when you need nothing, a bestfriend is there when you are nothing" - Annoynomous.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I am nothing.<br /><br />Dear Price Charming,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I tried not to cry today. I tried really really hard. So hard that my stomach went crazy and I threw up during fith period. I cried all day anyway. People are nice to me. It's so strange.&nbsp;We broke up last night, and I couldn't sleep. I sent you txt messages, crazy ones. I blame the vicodeine, that I only too to try and fall asleep by the way. I didn't. I walked for hours on top of hours. I collected all the things off my walls that reminded me of you and bundled them up. I was going to burn them or toss them into the pond. I couldn't. Today I gave them to you at school, well I made Alex do it. I would have cried. I won't cry in front of you ever again, I will never look you in the eyes, I will never speak to you, never, hold you, never hear your voice. I'm crying again. This isn't good. I thought I knew what pain was. I didn't not until now. I hate myself. Every inch of myself. I want to talk to you, I want to kiss you, I want to at least&nbsp; look at you. But I won't and in time you will forget all about me. You'll find a new date to prom, I'll be totally out of your life. Forever. I hate that. Why wasn't I good enough? I miss you. I will try to keep myself safe. I slipped last night. I cut deeper than I ever have before. I soaked my pj pants, and stained the sheets. I had to throw it all away so mother wouldn't see. I told mother today that we broke up. She said you'd be back. But you wont will you? The friends I have because of you say I'll be ok. Steven had lots of hugs&nbsp;as I cried the entire bus ride home and before I got off the bus he looked straight at me and said "You are a beautiful, smart, funny, sweet girl, you're going to be just fine" and at lunch Erick said that I would be fine for basically the same reason. He also&nbsp;said I should go to prom just to stick it to&nbsp;you how amazing I'll look in my dress that didn't really make me feel better but&nbsp;I appreciate the thought.&nbsp;I should be happy that these people are trying to help and I want to be the girl everyone says I am. I believe that I am that girl, but without you it means nothing...<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Forever Yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Princess Buttercup<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-7467718234684401969?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-63428539612650516862011-03-15T20:29:00.000-07:002011-03-16T16:39:46.187-07:00I do what I can. I can't what I can't.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I've broken the secrecy of my own damn blog &gt;.&lt; Some times I just don't know what goes on in my damn head, gahhhh -_-&nbsp;I swear. I let Prince Charming see... Why do I do these things to myself? But really I just thought that showing him couldn't possibly make matters any worse, I mean I've been sinking into oblivion just waiting around for the end. What can be worse than that? Breaking up of course... Fuck me. I need a drink.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; meg and dia<br /><div style="text-align: center;">"Every night I pray for you,</div><div style="text-align: center;">&nbsp;I don't got no religion<br />isn't that something? <br />I...I...I'm not going half way! <br />Every night I pray for you. <br />I don't believe in heaven."</div><div style="text-align: left;">Prince Charming,</div>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I never intended for you to read anything on this horrible pathetic pity party blog, and hopefully you deleted our conversation from your phone and will never feel the urge to read it again. I also hope you only read that single entry, because I would rather you not find out just how crazy I am. I felt bad that you thought it was just a page talking about what a bad person you are because I didn't mean it that way at all. Although I don't feel bad about anything I wrote, it's nothing that isn't true and I mean come on... Why shouldn't I feel this way? I stand by everything I write, the thoughts, the feelings, even the confusion and outrage. It feels good to get mad every once in a while. I write to avoid punching walls.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; What I came to understand from our talk last night. You are still trying to figure out what's best for us. Of course it's probably hopeless to tell you that no one knows what's best. But I'm not sure I really understood you all that well. It seemed to me that you had wanted to break up with me but you couldn't bring yourself to do it because you "love me" too much. I don't say that in a sarcastic way just in a confused way.&nbsp; I mean idk I get that you are acting this way so that whatever happens happens but with you acting this way what chance do we even have at making it? I love you more than words will ever be able to express but how much slow pain can I take before I go crazy for a moment and give in to the ultimate pain. Leaving you forever? If you love me, then love me. It's that simple, and that complicated. But today, gave me a strange kind of hope. The way you kissed me after lunch, makes me feel like everything is going to be ok. I think I'll call you tonight and we may not be able to fix things right away but we can work on it. I love you so much Prince Charming. Thank you for making these dark days just a tiny bit brighter &lt;3<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Forever Yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Princess buttercup<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-6342853961265051686?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-67051857825399851122011-03-14T20:12:00.000-07:002011-03-14T21:01:06.001-07:00I've let forever pass....<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'm a horrible neglectful human please forgive me for not writing.... Forgives self.... there all better : D</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Dear Prince Charming,</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </span>You know what? Love is selfish. When you say you’re trying to figure out "what’s best" (whatever that means)&nbsp;and I say I want you to do whatever makes you happy. But every night I pray that you won’t leave me. Because I love you, because I want you being with me to be what’s best, that’s what my heart tells me after all. And you, you say if we break up&nbsp;you want me to still be your friend even though I’ve told you it would be too hard for me. So maybe you do really love me. Forever and always and all that bullshit. But it's selfish...<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; If we break up... And of course by that I mean if you break up with me, because I can't break up with you (see selfish! I think I'm bad for you and I can't dump you because I love you). I won't be happy, in fact it's the only thing that can make me more miserable than I am now and you won't be happy because I won't be your friend anymore. At lest that's what you say. So we'll both, in theory, be unhappy... but right now you don't kiss me the way boyfriends kiss girlfriends, you don't hug me or touch me the way they do. You don't talk to me the way you used too, tell me you want me. God it's stupid! How am I supposed to be fun and feel good about myself when my own boyfriend doesn't tell me I'm pretty. When I feel like you doesn't even want to fucking kiss me. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <span style="background-color: yellow;">I'm not sad anymore at the moment. I'm upset! Once again I mentioned prom and you &nbsp;said nothing... again. I didn't even want to go to stupid prom, but you got me all excited. I picked out the most perfect dress too, the dress of my dreams and last weekend was the last chance to buy it... but we weren't talking... so I didn't order it. And you know what? I said I wouldn't go to prom if I didn't get to go with you but fuck it. You obviously don't want to go with me so I'm going to find a prom date. Even if&nbsp;you&nbsp;still haven't dumped me by then I don't care. I'm going just to show you that I can. I'm sure that someone will want to go to prom with me... :/ ok probably not... but I'll dig up some old friends and I'll have them set me up. I just want to dance, I want someone who wants to dance with me and tell me I look beautiful and idk.... I want to feel wanted... by you. So no I won't go I'll sit at home and get fat...</span><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I should stop being selfish and just agree to be your friend, I wonder... If I agreed to be your friend if you broke up with me would you break up with me? I wish that isn't true. I'm afraid to ask... But I won't be your friend I don't want to be around to put makeup on your hickeys from your next girlfriend so that your mom wont see. Do you remember that? I hated having to help you on the bus that day. I couldn't stop staring. It's like there she was in printed on your skin. Never again will I watch you be with another girl I fucking wont!<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; And another thing! I ask you if you want to take a break, crying and pleading for an answer, so that you have time to figure yourself out even though I don't want a break and you finally after I spend a couple days in agony you say you don't want a break. I become overjoyed and high because you kiss me. Then last Thursday we spend until one in the morning on the phone, crying! I pour my heart out to you and you suggest we take a break and you sound so determined! I agree, because I'll do anything to make you happy and to fix this but when I start asking questions like how long and if you want to see other people you freak out! You practically yell at me... that we're not taking a break, it's stupid it's not for us... and that we'll be like every other day on Friday but we just won't talk on the weekend... So I agree to that too, thankful that we aren't taking a break because I sure as hell don't want to be away from you or see other fucking people. Thinking well he doesn't want a break, that means he wants to be with me... and on Friday someone says PDA and you practically attack my face. You haven't kissed me like that in forever! I was on cloud fucking nine. The rest of that day was just a fuzzy little nothing I was so fricking happy. I didn't even care that I wasn't gonna get to talk to you because you kissed me! And now here's Monday... and everything is back to stupid nothing. Thanks.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Forever yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Princess Buttercup<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-6705185782539985112?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-19199411990506573052011-03-04T22:01:00.000-08:002011-03-14T20:28:25.773-07:00Oh shit, wtf did I do?&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; So today I made a total ass out of myself with Prince Charming &gt;.&lt; Gahhh. I tied to be cute I wanted him to see just how much he meant to me and I think I ended up just looking stupid -_-' but whatever that's my life...<br /><br />Dear Prince Charming,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; So I was kind of confused today, ofter that long talk and asking about the break and all I figured that you'd have something to say about it all but nope, nothing. You just acted like nothing had hapened and I was fustrated, I couldn't even enjoy that you were holding me more than lately. All that ran through my mind was, did I say anything at all? Did he listen? But then as school ended I thought here I am being a miserable bitch and maybe you're trying, I know that you wont tell me what's going on inside your head but maybe it's just as bad as inside of mine. So I decided that I had to do something special for you just to show you that I care.I had been planning this for&nbsp;some time but&nbsp;I just didn't count on picking such a wrong time.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I had peanut butter chocolates, Hershey's kisses, Nutella, and flowers... I wrote I love you on a bench... Why am I so creepy? But you didn't want to come, it was my fault your band was over, I should have asked or something but I mean it was supposed to be a surprise. Sorry for running away like a freak I just idk, your mom showed up, and I was about to cry. I had called Fattie when you didn't come&nbsp;because she had said something about it being too late earlyer... and well she told me you were sick of our relationship, that you said that you were done so I felt so stupid... But I wanted to show you I love you and that I want to make things right, I hope I got my point across. I felt like shit when my Oreo said you wouldn't come but it's whatever, I just&nbsp;want this to make things at least a little bit better because I really do love you and want to make this work. I've been so focused on what's wrong with me and how to fix me and blahhhblahhhblahhh... I just want you to know you're loved and that I don't care what happens anymore as long as you are happy. But I guess that's not totally right. I do care what happens, I can't help it. I want you to forgive me for being so odd I want you to love me and I want everything to be alright. Too much to ask for... maybe. But Prince Charming I'm willing to take the chance for you. Blahhh it's just I had hoped to get to talk to you tonight, but you haven't answered the message I sent you like 20 minutes ago. I know that could mean any number of things but I'm afraid that it means that what I did wasn't enough to save us. If not then I'm sorry, I tried, "at least I can say that I was not afraid, I loved you all the way, Id pick the fool any day".<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Forever yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Princess Buttercup<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-1919941199050657305?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-68285748781981033572011-03-03T20:49:00.000-08:002011-03-03T20:59:19.618-08:00Love Is a Dangerous Angel&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I don't know what's happening right now... Last night I confronted Prince Charming. I asked how he felt. I asked if he wanted a break form our relationship. I let him know that we can never be just friends again, at least I can't. I got nothing... Then the phone died.&nbsp;It's funny but I caught myself thinking about Oberon last night, sometimes Prince Charming reminds me of him. That makes me afraid... <br /><br />Prince Charming,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; What goes on in your mind? I had&nbsp;that fingerprint thing today so I only saw you for a few moments and you kissed me, longer and sweeter than lately, but what does that mean? Is it an I still&nbsp;love you, let's start again? Or a goodbye... I may not know but for that moment when your lips were on mine everything was better, the butterflies in my stomach wouldn't stop. I cried. I was that happy, but confused. I don't want a beautiful moment if it's just going to turn into a painful memory when you're gone.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I understand about the stress, I do. A new house and family and goodbyes and beginnings and all that you said, but why does that have to affect us? Maybe I'm not being rational, maybe you're growing up and I' stuck in the same place, but my life is changing just as much as yours give or take a little. I have to be out on my own soon, not with my family but totally alone. Not that I would want to be with them but still, that leaves me with no sense of security. In two weeks I have no idea where I'm going to be living, I need a full time job, to support myself, to have a car, apartment, college, food, all on my own. Things are hard all over darling. I'm calm right now, maybe a little too hopeful from your kiss, but I fell asleep in tears last night and woke up crying. I dreamt about you too, we were playing with a little puppy in my garage but it was the garage of the last house I lived in, so strange. Of course that's besides the point. What isen't besides the point? My leg, I showered today, the cuts are red and puffy, I'll probably get a stupid infection for my stupidity...<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; After my phone died last night I went for a run. I mean I was already outside so why not? I ran until it hurt so much to breath I just collapsed on the wet&nbsp;grass, I couldn't even feel the cold but I know it must have been freezing. I thought about the first time we made love, the way you looked down at me, when I let out tears and how my name sounded as you moaned it out.&nbsp;The warmth of it all. And after you looked down at me and said "sexy's too harsh a word for you, you're beautiful". I could have laid there&nbsp;naked, pressed against you forever. Never had anything in my life felt so right, I felt complete, I felt innocent, weird maybe but really, I felt you give me back my innocence that night. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'm nervous to see you tomorrow Prince Charming, I am so afraid of losing this. Please just hold on, I&nbsp;know I can be the one that makes you smile forever and always. Love is the strongest magic there is, the strongest everything. "Kiss me and you will see how important I am". If this ends I have nothing left to live for, maybe Oberon was right. I won't be happy until I've killed myself... But I am happy with you so maybe he doesn't have to be right.<br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Forever yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Princess Buttercup<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-6828574878198103357?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-50841225253483805102011-03-02T20:11:00.000-08:002011-03-02T20:13:29.179-08:00Feelings, and feelings, and maybe somethings gonna change.<div align="left" id="songlyrics" style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 13px;">Close your eyes- by Racoon<br />"Lost the things that you thought you would never miss.<br />Let them out, miss them while they are gone<br />But there's memories down here that will always live<br />And they can't take them away so they won’t<br />Open this window, let the sickness out<br />Sleep softly and breath again<br />If there’s a way then it’ll find you and help you out<br />You’re like a circle there’s no start and no end<br /><br />Close your eyes, you might see something beautiful<br />Cause It’s not all pitch-black in the back of your mind<br />So Close your eyes, you might see something prettier<br />You pick a dream right out of the night<br /><br />And change I wish for I will, cause it’s gonna work.<br />You can do this, it's your life<br />And if you are unhappy about something, stop jerking about.<br />Follow the clouds and dive right in<br /><br />Open this window, just let the wind blow in<br />And let it grab you and calm you down.<br />And if there is no way then find a way, <br />Don’t go down the easy way,<br />And don’t let any of them bastards hold you down.<br /><br />Close your eyes, you might see something beautiful<br />Cause it’s not all pitch-black in the back of your mind<br />So Close your eyes, you might see something prettier<br />So pick a dream right out of the night<br /><br />Welcome to the show, <br />Cause you’re following the man, with the million dollar plan<br />And all your dreams are gone if you let them go.<br />Yeah all the dreams you win, if you dare to make it so<br /><br />If you dare to make it so<br /><br />You lost the things that you thought you would never miss.<br />You let them out, miss them while they’re gone<br />But there’s memories down here and they will always live down here<br />No they can't take them away, so they won’t<br /><br />Close your eyes, you might see something beautiful<br />It’s not all pitch-black in the back of your mind<br />So Close your eyes, you might see something prettier<br />You pick your dream right out of the night"<br /><br />Prince Charming, <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I've been so wooried. It's time for me to know for sure. As I type this I'm asking you about our future. So many times you promiced forever and I've believed you. Now I want you to know that no matter what you answer, I love you, but I am done being afraid of losing you. I need to know.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Forever yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Princess Buttercup<br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-5084122525348380510?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-48923618994270086422011-02-28T19:25:00.000-08:002011-03-03T20:52:37.915-08:00Promice Rings and Razorblades&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'm not an "emo", I'm a decent human being who just so happens to have a hard time releasing my emotions in a healthy way. I'm very introverted... Anyway I can't stop playing with my promise ring readers of mine. He promised forever does he still mean it?...<br />Dear Prince Charming,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'm cutting myself again. I'm sorry. I know I promised you that I would stop, and I did stop for months on top of months now, but with all the bullshit I've been feeling I needed some sort of release. It started again after I looked up the abortion stuff on the Internet on that stupid four day weekend, that Monday night actually. So Mr. Charming since you've been wondering what's wrong&nbsp; you can add that to the list along with the fact that I have no idea where I'm going to be living in the next month, I have no way to move out of my abusive household, I think you're going to break up with me, I can't sleep or eat and when I do sleep I have abortion nightmares. So there you go there's other things too of course, there always is, but does it make a little more sense now? Maybe, maybe not. Prince Charming I love you, I love you forever and always through the good and BAD. Like right now for instance... Actually no not like right now, like before I got my period, everything should be fine now, we should be fine, but I know that's not how life goes.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I keep twirling my promise ring, I play with it whenever I am upset and alone, I can't believe you lost yours. I mean it's whatever but to me the promise is written in stone, I want to marry you, but maybe you have different plans now. I just need to know. Frankly if you're planning on breaking up with me at any point then there's really no point in us going out for another second because what's the point of leading me on? Oh I caved today, I needed to hear you say I love you, so I said it twice. I feel stupid. Please just say it first for once, I'm begging. Oh great, now I'm crying.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Did I mention that my mom's been looking at prom dresses? Yep. It just makes me want to tear off my skin. Will we make it to prom? You already asked but I guess you could always take it back. I wont go if you break up with me, I don't even think I'll be around that long if you break up with me soon, I'm nothing without you, and I don't want to be alive if I'm nothing. Isn't that sad? Aren't I pathetic? I'm sorry Prince Charming, I'm just in a bad mood, I shouldn't say things like that, but I feel like you wouldn't even care if you heard me say it aloud. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp; Blahhh I'm done with this pitty party, I really am. I want to make things better! I want to kiss you and make you want me. You made me believe in god once, because an angel like you has to come from somewhere divine so now I'll pray for god to make this all ok.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Forever and Always,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Princess Buttercup<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; <br /><br /><br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-4892361899427008642?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4685296029511569612.post-31845037093024677502011-02-27T11:02:00.000-08:002011-02-27T13:50:27.574-08:00Somedays are red. Yesterday was brown.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Last night was awesome, the bands were cool and watching&nbsp;him&nbsp;play is one of the most amazing things ever, but I wanted to cry the entire night. I know he can tell I'm upset too, there's no hiding anything from him, he's always know everything by just looking at me. I feel so vulnerable under his stare like he's looking into my soul, I'm afraid one day he'll stop liking what he sees...<br /><br />Prince Charming,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Things have been different ever since Valentines day, even though Valentines was amazing. When you walked me home that night and stopped me on the dirt path, the way you held my face in your hands and stared into my eyes made me shake, and as you kissed my face all over and told me how much you loved me, I almost cried with how beautiful you are. Your love is the only thing that keeps me alive I feed off of it, rely on your long kisses and tight hugs to get me through the day and help me sleep at night. I've always been amazed your way with words how you could make me stop hating myself&nbsp; with just a single smile, but now things are different and I'm afraid that this is how they'll stay. I know things have been tough lately and with hard times everyone is bound to be more introverted but I need you, you're the only one I have to talk to about the way I feel, about me fears, about everything really. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; That stupid four day weekend was the turning point I think. I always fall apart when I can't talk to you for long periods of time&nbsp;and I know four days isn't much but after all the shit from the week I guess I just couldn't handle it. I know I said I wasn't worried about getting pregnant&nbsp;but the truth is I was terrified, I was nauseous and&nbsp; I thought that it would surely be the end of us. And I was terrified of what I knew I would have to do if I was. That weekend I looked it up, I read about how they do it and what happens after. Every sentence made me crumple up inside and cry.&nbsp;And when I saw the pictures of the little babies, all broken and layed out one the table I just wanted to die, I threw up and I couldn't stop shaking for hours I just layed in bed in the middle of the day and cried imagining the worst. I&nbsp;didn't even know if I was pregnant yet&nbsp;but I couldn't stop thinking, what if I was?&nbsp;The truth is I've never believed in abortion for myself because I believe that every baby is a miracle no matter how it's conceived, that no baby is an accident but I would have done it for you. I&nbsp;knew to you it would always be a mistake and I couldn't&nbsp;be the one to ruin your life that way. So&nbsp;I just lay and prayed that I wasn't pregnant&nbsp;and if&nbsp;I was I prayed for the strength to be able to go through with what I had to.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I didn't try and contact you that day because I wanted to give you space that weekend but I couldn't help myself. I sent you a message that Monday, everyone was away again and I felt sick and scared and lonely all I said was I love and miss you. You just wrote the same thing back, I don't know why but it made me feel like crap. And when we did talk for a little it seemed so matter of fact, you used to call me so many pet names and now you never do. I used to hate when people did that but whenever you did it made me so happy like I belonged to someone but not just anyone I belonged to you the most amazing person in the world, like I mattered. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I started my period on Friday night, I was so happy because I finally had some good news to&nbsp;give you I thought things would go back to normal. But when I saw you last night I still didn't feel any better I felt so out of place and like it didn't make a difference that I was even at the show, I just wanted to hear you say I love you.&nbsp;On the 23 I had&nbsp;told myself that I wouldn't say I love you to you anymore, I would wait until you said it first because the only time you ever say it anymore is when I say it to you. I know it hasn't been more than four days but you still haven't said it and it crushes me inside I'm dying to say it because I need to hear it come out of your lips but I'm afraid that you wont say it back I'm so afraid you're going to realize that you were wrong, there are plenty of fish in the sea and you would rather have one of them than me. Gahhh&nbsp;and when I saw you talk to your ex girlfriend I felt jealous for the first time in my life, knowing that she's the first and only other person to have ever had you and knowing that you loved her, that you spent&nbsp;so long telling her you loved her. I know I only feel that way because of how horrible I feel in general and that I shouldn't but I couldn't help it and I hate myself for it. Tell my Mr. Charming how do I calm my nerves I've always been neurotic and such. <br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I want things to go back to the way they were just a few weeks ago. I want your long breathtaking kisses and I want you to hug be with every ounce of strength in your body, I want to hear you say I love you and call me your baby. I want to feel like I'm not some disgusting dirty person. I want my arm to heal, I want to fall asleep in peace. I want you to love me as much as I love you. I want forever, I want to know that I'm the only girl like you're the only boy and when we're apart next semester&nbsp;we'll be planning for a future where we're together.&nbsp;Please Price Charming because I just don't think I can do this like this anymore.<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Forever Yours,<br />&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Princess Buttercup<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">"I really wish it was only me and you<br />I'm jealous of everybody in the room<br />Please don't look at me with those eyes<br />Please don't hint that you're capable of lies"</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/4685296029511569612-3184503709302467750?l=gypsyspeak.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Buttercuphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18295917088443702719noreply@blogger.com0